A few years back I got a little gift from a former co-worker who shares my birthday.  It was the first time in 6 or 7 years of working together that we were actually together in the same place on our birthday, and he wanted to commemorate it.  It was a little gifty-type book that Hallmark sold, but it’s pretty cool.  It’s called “DADisms :  What He Says AND What He Really Means.”   Perhaps some of you have seen it or received it yourself from some oh-so-caring individual in your life.  While some could potentially take offense at these statements/definitions and sometimes translations even, I found them to be pretty darn funny and I thought you might as well.  So I might just share a few of these pearls of wisdom with you from time to time.  But first, from the back cover…..

Dadisms (n):  Those idiomatic sayings Dad uses to cajole, shame, motivate, inspire, threaten, and – most of the time – bewilder his offspring.

Dadisms (the book):  A hilarious Parent-to-English guide to the true meaning of such sayings as: 

  • Dadism #13 :  “No pain, no gain.”    –  A somewhat feeble attempt at motivational speaking, this one is used to inspire a child to run one more lap, lift one more bushel, or endure one more round of multiplication tables.  Kids really hate this one. 

This book really has nothing to do with being a DIS Dad at all… but it’s been sitting on my desk the past few years, and I picked it up this morning for the first time in months and thought some of you might get a kick out of seeing these too.  It was written by the artist who draws the comic strip CATHY, so it is from a decidedly female point of view, but many of the “isms” quoted are fairly universal amongst Dads. 

Here are some for today:

Dadism #7:  “Look it up in the dictionary”    –  This dadism is used to foster educational self-sufficiency, resourcefulness and initiative.     TRANSLATION:  “Are you nuts?  I have no idea how to spell pnuemonia, and I’m too damned old to learn!”

Dadism #18:  “Whatever it is, the answer is “no”.”     – Here’s one of Dad’s preemptive strikes.  This one sends the message, loud and clear…I’m in no mood for requests of any kind. And my mood is not likely to change until after the game.

Dadism #64:  “I never talked to my old man like that!”        TRANSLATION:  “I can’t think of a snappy comeback right now, so I’m going to play the guilt card.  After all, it works for Mom.”

Dadism #85:  “So you think you’re smart, do you?”       – What he means is “I knew my kid would be smarter than I am someday, I just didn’t expect that day to come so soon!”

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